How to Talk to Aging Parents About Long-Term Care

One of the most difficult conversations a child can have with their parents is the conversation about long-term care. It is far too common for families to delay or avoid the conversation of long-term care because it may be too awkward, too uncomfortable, or too painful, but proper discussion can ease the process. Where do you begin talking about retirement living arrangements, long-term care, inheritance, and funeral wishes with mom and dad? When approached with sensitivity and patience, the proper planning of long-term care can make the transition much easier and much less stressful on your relationship with your parent.

Organize a Family Meeting

The most sensitive and efficient way to have this conversation is to plan it well in advance. This is not a conversation you want to bring up casually over a social event or holiday dinner. Plan to have this conversation with your parents and siblings in person so everyone can be on the same page about such important decisions. Allow everyone time to process what will be discussed, analyze your financial situation, and reflect on your own emotions and how you can best approach the desires of your parent.

How to Listen

Listening to the desires of your parents is essential. Listening will be more important than talking. Give them your undivided attention, and ensure that all sides of this intimate family conversation are heard. Encourage honesty and feedback. If emotions run too high, give yourselves a break before regrouping and continuing the conversation. Always take a moment to remember the nature of such a sensitive conversation.

Prepare the Essentials

While a box of tissues may likely be an essential item to bring into the conversation due to the high emotions that coincide with such a serious discussion, prepare important questions to address to make sure all the bases are covered. A prepared list of questions can also keep your discussion on track and will prevent scrambled thoughts and emotions. Every family discussion will be different, but make sure you and your family consider the most essential questions: what do your parents desire in the event that they can no longer care for themselves? What are their financial resources? What areas does insurance or your parents’ healthcare plan cover? What are the roles and responsibilities that you and your siblings will take on? Where do your parents want to spend their last days? What do their funeral desires look like?

Get the Details Straight

Whether in the same conversation or a subsequent conversation, iron out the fine details. When looking at long-term care responsibilities, decide together what kind of facility your parents would be most comfortable with. Consider such factors as independence, health needs, financial resources, location, and other needs. Plan with legal, financial, medical, and day-to-day living factors in mind. Having a fully-formed plan in mind can help relieve pressure and free up your time to spend with your family.

The conversation of long-term care decisions is a difficult one for families. Take the time to have a meaningful conversation with your parents and siblings to ensure that your parents receive the best possible care and consideration. Be open and honest with each other, and keep your parent’s desires and best interest at the forefront of the discussion.


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